Politically correct Bible stories: II The Fall

Note: The following is a work of fiction and nothing should be taken as representing the theology of the author, nor the words of God, or any of our fathers in the faith. Indeed, the premise of the stories is that they do NOT represent what God or our fathers would say, but a perversion thereof based on political correctness, modern Christian heresies, etc.

Politically correct Bible stories
The following stories have been updated to meet the prejudices of today’s readers…


“Umm, God?”

“Yes, Adam?”

“I was wondering if you have given any thought to the whole ‘clothes’ question in general? I mean the creation is nice enough… sun, moon, stars, animals and all… but there is something of a breeze down here.”

“We discussed this. I made each of the animals with a sufficient cover, your problem is purely psychosomatic. Well, and physiologic. I am beginning to think that it was time I made a helpmeet for you. I mean, look at all the other animals, they each have helpmeets.”

“I think that is a tremendously degrading concept, God. First of all, it makes it seems as if I am not OK, by myself. And secondly, this other person, would they really want to be a ‘helpmeet’? I was wondering if something more like ‘significant other’ wouldn’t be better.”

God sighs. “That isn’t exactly what I had planned.”

“Well, God, you can’t expect everything to go just the way you had planned. I mean, now that you have created me, I am an antonymous being with a will of my own. You need to take my will and my feelings into account.”

“I honestly thought you would like this… significant other. Look, let me draw you some of what I had in mind on this fig leaf here.”

“Oh. Oh. Well, that certainly is interesting. I must say that, as a creator, you really have an eye for beauty, a real creative streak. But, just looking at that drawing, I would say that clothes are even more necessary than before.”

“Well, if I clothe you, I will have to clothe this new creature too.”

“Oh. Oh, well, since you make such an issue of it, perhaps we can go without the clothes for a while.”

“Good, now go to sleep.”

“Hmm, a bit paternalistic there, God, but perhaps you are right. It has been a hard day at the office. There were quite a number of animals to name.”

“Adam, Adam, wake up.”

“Huuuh, what? Oh. Wow. I must say that the production model leaves the prototype in the dust.”

“Hello yourself,” she said, “or do you always wander around talking like people weren’t there? I heard you were made of dust, and it seems the rumors were true.”

“Well, excuse me. I am kind of used to having *private* conversations with God. Speaking of which, God, if you will excuse us ma’am, if I could just have a private word with the Almighty?”

“Yes, Adam?”

“Well, God, the physical design is flawless. But, I wonder if you could make one that, you know, was a little less inclined to nag?”

“But, what would I do with this one?”

“You couldn’t just, you know, wave your arms a bit and…”

“No, no it doesn’t work that way at all. Immortal soul and all of that.”

“Oh, well, one needs to take the rough with the smooth. I don’t suppose you could leave us alone for a few minutes?”

“Well, certainly. Although, I am God, you know. Omniscient and all of that?”

“Well, yes, but a little less of the direct presence kind of thing. I have a certain discussion I want to have with her. Oh, by the way, do we have any candles here in Eden?”

“Candles? No. I made the sun to rule the day…”

“… and the lesser lights to rule the night. Yes, I know, never mind. Moonlight will do fine.”

--a modest interlude--

“… so you are telling me that we are not allowed to eat from that one tree?”
“No. All the other trees, but not that one. Say, I know that the moonlight was really great, but how do you feel about sunlight? Or, perhaps, some shade under those trees?”

“Men. Now about this tree. Doesn’t God know that the best way to get someone to want to do something is to forbid it? I mean, I am desiring that tree already, and I don’t know anything about it.”

“Well, God seemed to think that we should learn to be obedient.”

“Obedient? To him? Whyever for? Doesn’t he realize that you are married now? Oh, and I love the ring, by the way. It was neat the way you braided those little vines together. It does seem as if it needed something, just here, on top. Something sparkly, perhaps.”

“I will look around. I never thought of it the way you put it. You are right, we are adults now, and this is our garden. He gave it to us. It does seem rather demeaning for him to go and put regulations on a gift. Now, about that shade…”


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What I believe, betrothal

The following post was intended as a poll for some people with whom I am having various discussions on the route to marriage. I would appreciate comments in that light.


Over the course of my study I have come to believe the following things. I would love it if you all would respond to this list with: I agree, I disagree, I can neither agree nor disagree and then, (extra for experts) if you would, if you disagree or neither, put why. I think this would greatly move the discussion forward.

Please note that, except where otherwise indicated or obviously more broad , most of the statements below are meant to refer most directly to the issue of a virgin son of a Godly father and the virgin daughter of a Godly father; not widows, widowers, adulterers, fornicators, etc. Nor is it meant to refer to issues of legality: levirate law, kings taking virgins, etc.

On the nature of the covenant:
1) I believe that God intends for covenants, whenever possible, to be fixed and firm, and not vacillating. Thus ‘engagement’ and ‘courtship’ as currently practiced are unBiblical.
2) I believe that others, especially authorities, are often called in Scripture to make covenants which bind those under them or in whose authority they act.
3) I believe that it lies principally with the fathers, most particularly the father of the bride, to make the covenant of betrothal.
4) I believe that the father, in wisdom, should not make a covenant for a son or daughter except where he is already assured of their obedience and integrity, to avoid defrauding the other party in the covenant.

On the nature of the readiness/timing for marriage.
5) I believe that betrothal and marriage are seen in Scripture as meeting a need, and that a wife is a blessing to a young man, she is not a ‘luxury’, an ‘extra’ or a ‘liability’.
6) I believe that, in general, Scripture speaks of marriage as happening ‘in youth’, and not ‘when mature’ or ‘when ready’ in the senses of financial stability, education finished, etc.
7) I believe that Scripture says, ‘to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife’.

On the nature of marriage
8) I believe that marriage consists of two acts/events: a binding covenant and a physical joining: the first called ‘betrothal’ and the second ‘taking a wife’. In Scripture the binding covenant is often implied and not stated, but the law, the gospel, and the patterns make it clear that that covenant exists.
9) I believe that both in betrothal and after the wife is taken the proper term for the two are ‘husband’ and ‘wife’.
10) I believe that only a virgin girl’s father can authorize a betrothal (outside of special circumstances such as a captured or slave girl, where the master acts in the place of the father, or where the father is dead and some other authority so acts, etc.).
11) I believe that the best Scriptural examples show the father of the virgin groom as the one who takes the initiative and chooses/provides the bride.
12) I do not believe that the *taking of a wife* should ever be forced on either the bride or the groom… that while a binding covenant does exist on the agreement of the fathers, the actual *taking* should not be forced. I believe that a breach or repudiation of the covenant by either party is grounds for Scriptural divorce by the other, and that a failure in this area would be a form of disobedience on the part of the son/daughter involved.
13) I believe that Scripture teaches that, in general, there should be no intervening time period between ‘sister and brother’ and ‘husband and wife’ (ie asleep to betrothed). (One notable exception would be an unpaid bride price, see Caleb’s daughter for example)

On the nature of the authority relationships
14) I believe that a fathers authority over his daughter continues until her marriage, at which point the new husband gains all of her father’s authority. I believe that the fathers authority would re-exist if her husband dies and she returns to her father’s household.
15) I believe that, while the nature of their relationship can and indeed must change over the years and through various circumstances, the fathers authority over his son is permanent.
16) I believe that all human authority relationships (husband, father, king, elder) can operate only within their allowed jurisdiction. Thus all human authorities have their limits, and times when they are not to be *obeyed*. And that there are times when, on God’s direct order, these relationships are changed outside of their normal boundaries. But these are exceptional and not normative.
17) I believe that, generally, the son is to remain a part of his father’s household, and that his economy is to be part of that economy in general.

On the nature of the sufficiency of scripture
18) I believe that, as for all other areas of life and Godliness, Scripture is sufficient and clear in this area.
19) I believe that, while different circumstances dictate different paths to marriage, this does not mean that Scripture is insufficient or unclear in its dictation of each particular marriage path; each path should follow the clear and sufficient Scriptural principles that lead down that path.
20) I believe that, for a virgin son of a Godly father marrying the virgin daughter of a Godly father; outside of such exceptional circumstances as slavery, the levirate law, etc., the principles involved are such as I have outlined above: in general that the son and daughter should both remain asleep until they are already bound in covenant by their fathers, at an early age, etc..
21) I believe that, as with the regulative principle, we are to look at both pattern and precept in our actions in this area; and that, as there, we are neither to add to nor subtract from God’s Word in our actions.

On the nature of the discussion
22) I believe that we all need to come to the table ‘semper reformada’, and understand that God’s Word, in this area like so many others, will challenge and confront many of our understandings and throw us far out of our comfort zone.
23) I believe that we need to come to this discussion ‘tabla rasa’ or, as Doug Phillips likes to say, ‘on a desert island’; and that the ‘burden of proof’ needs to be neutral; seeking the preponderance of evidence and our best understanding from Scripture, and not taking our own culture as the ‘default’ position against which all else must answer at its peril.







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Politically correct Bible stories I: The marriage of Isaac

The following stories have been updated to meet the prejudices of today’s readers…

Story the First, the marriage of Isaac:
And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age…
“Hey, Eliezer, what’s up with all of the camels?”
“Oh, master, wonderful news.”
“Kill the ‘master’ thing, Eliezer. I’ve had to talk to you about that before. We aren’t ‘master’ and ‘servant’. That is horribly degrading.”
“Yes, mas… yes, Isaac.”
“So, what’s the news?”
“Oh, your father has sent me on a journey to find you a wife.”
“A wife, eh? That sounds good, but what do you mean ‘sent you’? What do you have to do with it? She would be my wife, no?”
“Well, yes, mast… Isaac. But he sent me to find her, and give the gifts, and bring her back.”
“Well, the old man must be getting senile. He is ‘well stricken in age’ you know. You weren’t thinking of actually listening to him, were you? The very idea of you going and getting a wife for me. But a wife, that’s a good idea. A bit old fashioned, but, you know, it could grow on me. I will go and get her. Where did he say to go?”
“To your fathers brother.”
“What, Bethuel? That’s a huge distance away. And that would make the girl, like, my cousin or something!”
“And, ma… Isaac, your father said you weren’t to leave Cannan.”
“Oh, well that makes sense. I will look for a girl around here. How were you going to go about it?”
“Well, when I got there I would pray to see which girl the Lord would give you, and then I would go to her father, and arrange the match.”
“Praying sounds good, but what is this ‘father’ thing? Good grief, he sends you to get the girl, and tells you to go to her father? I will go right to the girl, of course. What would you do then?”
“Well, I would bring her back to her, and you could take her into your mothers tent and…” the servants voice whispered in Isaacs ear, and then he said, “and then you would be man and wife.”
“Well,” said Isaac, grinning, “I certainly like your idea of what to do in the tent. But that wouldn’t make her my wife, you know. No, after we had lived together for a while,” Isaac said, poking the servant playfully in the ribs, “we will get engaged, and then we will have a big wedding. I know the girl will want a big wedding, girls always do.”
Isaac mused on this for a while, and then said, “Oh, and by the way. You know Dad is really getting old. I was over in Beersheeba the other day, and they had this really nice nursing home…”


Note to the Canadian Human Rights Commission: This article may cause people to have contempt for certain groups, including those who murder innocent children and members of the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

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The Incredible Bread Machine

A must see film.



Note to the Canadian Human Rights Commission: This article may cause people to have contempt for certain groups, including those who murder innocent children and members of the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

I support The Constitution Party.

Visit our betrothal site.

Make your amazon purchases through our our amazon store.

Items copied from Life Site News are:
Copyright © LifeSiteNews.com. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivatives License. You may republish this article or portions of it without request provided the content is not altered and it is clearly attributed to "LifeSiteNews.com". Any website publishing of complete or large portions of original LifeSiteNews articles MUST additionally include a live link to www.LifeSiteNews.com. The link is not required for excerpts. Republishing of articles on LifeSiteNews.com from other sources as noted is subject to the conditions of those sources.



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Conflict of Interest: Resulting in Child Murder

Note to the Canadian Human Rights Commission: This article may cause people to have contempt for certain groups, including those who murder innocent children and members of the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

I support The Constitution Party.

Visit our betrothal site.

Make your amazon purchases through our our amazon store.

Items copied from Life Site News are:
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Political Correctness Run Amok

"I think the speculation could potentially heighten backlash against some of our Muslim soldiers," said Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey. "And what happened at Fort Hood was a tragedy, but I believe it would be an even greater tragedy if our diversity becomes a casualty here." [emphasis added]

Excuse me?! The death of diversity would be *an even greater tragedy* than the death of the soliders and civilians? And this man is an army chief of staff??!

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/11/10/coverage-fort-hood-shooting-press-dodges-religious-component/




Note to the Canadian Human Rights Commission: This article may cause people to have contempt for certain groups, including those who murder innocent children and members of the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

I support The Constitution Party.

Visit our betrothal site.

Make your amazon purchases through our our amazon store.

Items copied from Life Site News are:
Copyright © LifeSiteNews.com. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivatives License. You may republish this article or portions of it without request provided the content is not altered and it is clearly attributed to "LifeSiteNews.com". Any website publishing of complete or large portions of original LifeSiteNews articles MUST additionally include a live link to www.LifeSiteNews.com. The link is not required for excerpts. Republishing of articles on LifeSiteNews.com from other sources as noted is subject to the conditions of those sources.



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Treason on Capital Hill, Terrorism at Fort Hood

Two quick items:

1) My representative, Lloyd Doggett, has finally decided that he will be committing treason: ie voting for the 'health care' bill. Yesterday he was 'on the fence', or so his aide tell us. Pretty quick, decision, eh?

This bill will continue the destruction of the economy that he has already voted for, and further erode our civil liberties.

2) The Mainstream media has further proved it's irrelevancy in their treatment of the Fort Hood Shooting. If a Muslim gunman, walking into a US Army base on the anniversery of the Tehran hostage takeing, walks in and starts shooting unarmed servicemen while shouting 'Allah Akbar' is not terrorism... then *nothing* is terrorism.






Note to the Canadian Human Rights Commission: This article may cause people to have contempt for certain groups, including those who murder innocent children and members of the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

I support The Constitution Party.

Visit our betrothal site.

Make your amazon purchases through our our amazon store.

Items copied from Life Site News are:
Copyright © LifeSiteNews.com. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivatives License. You may republish this article or portions of it without request provided the content is not altered and it is clearly attributed to "LifeSiteNews.com". Any website publishing of complete or large portions of original LifeSiteNews articles MUST additionally include a live link to www.LifeSiteNews.com. The link is not required for excerpts. Republishing of articles on LifeSiteNews.com from other sources as noted is subject to the conditions of those sources.



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